my body aches, my skin burnt. i try to convince i'm doing nothing for you, but i just can't.

i could still remember every single thing you said, each word made me change, each word made an impact. each word strengthened my resolve to change.

if you say you like it, i make a resolve to do it. if you say you don't like it, i make a resolve to not do it.

and when i go out, i think after thinking after thinking whether i should spend that money.

when i'm supposed to have fun, i'm thinking how to provide. i'm thinking "what's next".

when i get home, i worry about my next job.

when i sleep, i fear that the moment my bank account reaches $0, that's the end of me.

I chose to give, of course i chose to. nothing ever mattered to me more than the smile on your face.

and nothing ever made me worried, more than the stress you are experiencing.

i learnt to empathize. i learnt to understand that juggling between schoolwork and our relationship is not easy.

that's why i decided, that money shouldn't be another difficulty for you. if this could earn you a grade or two, i don't mind giving all i ever had, to you.

did i ever thought of taking it back from you?

i swear my life on this - no.

and when i'm typing this, i'm crying. i thought that even when i have nothing, i would have you by my side.

seems like i'm wrong, terribly wrong. that even when i die of hunger, i start to doubt if anyone will notice.

i want to stop crying, but nothing can push away this fear too real. now i wonder, if anything i did ever mattered to you.

I have no options, do you know how it feels, when you are already on your last resort.

i'm starting to feel pathetic.