http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/32-signs-youre-dating-a-keeper/

I agree with most of it.

While I am not yet the 'perfect' boyfriend that one can find, I hope that one day I will learn how to be one. And I hope one day I will find a 'perfect' girl too.

Love transcends boundaries. That all we need to know.

Letting go.

You ought to let someone go when they are living a life just as beautiful without you.

"Let's forget about yesterday, create today and tomorrow. Living in the present moment." 


Stay strong, you might be alone but you certainly have yourself. Stand tall, do not cry over spilled milk. Why be so hard on yourself over someone who chooses to leave? Haven't you already established the fact that if someone really cared, he/she would stay regardless of how difficult the problem is? Yes, no matter the situation, the one who leaves is the one in the wrong, and that is also one of the requirements of friendship previously discussed. Maybe she really isn't as good as you think she is, maybe you really don't mean as much to her as she means to you. Quit crying, it's time to accept the hard truths, get up and move on. 

Didn't the Qur'an say "And surely what comes after is better for you than that which has gone before"?

These religious books, they surely are banks of wisdom. 

There is a specific feeling which exists only when you run into someone about whom you had long forgotten. It’s probably most palpable when it’s an ex, but it can happen with friends who were once particularly close. It is comparable to a scab that seems to have been on your skin forever — a scrape which was once quite painful but has been so long in the healing process that you no longer notice its presence when you wash over it in the shower. You peel it off almost out of boredom and suddenly there is a drop or two of blood, something that vaguely resembles the wound it once was, now too distant to really cause any discomfort. These people are wounds which have healed over, which have never quite turned into scars but which have become just another part of your lived-in body.

Letting someone go — when it is a necessary act of self-preservation, something that has to come if you expect to move forward in life — is regarded as a kind of victory. You have successfully overcome an emotional trauma that once surrounded you like a kind of fog which prevented you from ever seeing the sun. People will tell you, always with the best intentions, that one day you are going to wake up and realize that you are okay, and your life is not immediately over because they are no longer a part of it. And this is true, though it’s not the net positive that we are so quick to label it as. Because it’s not as though you simply wake up one day and proclaim yourself fine, suddenly hearing birds chirp and children laugh after months of only your own oppressive silence. You simply start to forget, feeling the acute pain of the loss less and less as each day goes on. There will come a day when you don’t care, but you won’t notice it, because you will have other things to think about.

But in order to let that pain go, in order to remove this person from the place of power they have occupied for so long, you must let everything go. Perhaps in a very distant future, you will be able to pick and choose the memories you want to keep, but for a very long time, one memory will always bleed into another. You cannot simply think about the time the two of you sat on the beach for an entire night, talking about your childhood, drinking the second-least-expensive wine you could find in the store. Because when you allow yourself to think about that, it will remind you of them as a whole, and will lead into all of the terrible things that happened after that night — not the least of which being their eventual departure. They exist within us as whole people, stories with beginnings and endings, and in order to let go of them we cannot choose the things we want to isolate for nostalgia.
We have to stop caring what they would think if they saw us, stop worrying about running into them in the store, stop obsessing over the things we could have done differently to make them stay. And that means letting go of everything they meant to us, proving to ourselves that life can be just as good, just as beautiful, without them in it. When you realize, long after the fact, that you no longer care about someone — that what they are doing in life has no bearing on you, and vice versa — it feels very much like a small death. Who they were with you no longer exists, and you cannot even preserve it in your memory, for the sake of your own mental health.

I recently ran into someone I used to know very well. I hadn’t seen him in close to two years, and I barely recognized him when I crossed him on the sidewalk. I had forgotten that it was his neighborhood, had forgotten that we used to eat there, forgotten it all. And he looked different, different enough to be slightly unsettling. We exchanged words, but as people who had barely ever known each other. It was a spoken confirmation that things had indeed changed — that we had let one another go, out of necessity — and that the parts of ourselves we needed to erase to move on were just going to have to be forgotten. Of course, you never really forget anyone, but you certainly release them. You stop allowing their history to have any meaning for you today. You let them change their haircut, let them move, let them fall in love again. And when you see this person you have let go, you realize that there is no reason to be sad. The person you knew exists somewhere, but you are separated by too much time to reach them again.

We told each other we should get coffee sometime, but didn’t exchange our new numbers. We knew we weren’t going to see each other again.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/how-we-let-people-go/

當世界只剩下這床頭燈
Dang shi jie zhi sheng xia zhe chuang tou deng
When all that's left in the world is this lamp on my nightstand 
你那邊是早晨已經出門
Ni na bian shi zao chen yi jing chu men
It's early morning where you are; you've already left the house
我側身感到你在轉身
Wo ce shen gan dao ni zai zhuan shen
I'm lying on my side; I can sense that you are turning around 
無數陌生人 正在等下一個綠燈
Wu shu mo sheng ren Zheng zai deng xia yi ge lu deng
Countless strangers Are waiting for the next green light
一再錯身彼此脆弱的時分
Yi zai cuo shen bi ci cui ruo de shi fen
Again and again, we've missed each other's most lonely and vulnerable times
不過渴望一個吻的餘溫
Bu guo ke wang yi ge wen de yu wen
However, I am still longing for the lingering warmth of your kiss
我關了燈 黑暗把我併吞 Wo
Wo guan le deng Hei an ba wo bing tun Wo
I turn off the lights, The darkness engulfs and swallows me, whoa

Chorus: 
你不在 當我最需要愛 你卻不在 Wo
Ni bu zai Dang wo zui xu yao ai Ni que bu zai Wo
You're not here Just when I need love the most You're not here, Whoa
無盡等待像獨白的難捱 Wo
Wu jin deng dai xiang du bai de nan ai Wo
This endless waiting is slow torture, like a monologue
你不在 高興還是悲哀 你都不在
Ni bu zai Gao xing hai shi bei ai Ni dou bu zai
You're not here Happiness or Sorrow, You're not here
我受了傷再偷偷好起來 但你不在 不在
Wo shou le shang zai tou tou hao qi lai Dan ni bu zai Bu zai
I've been hurt, and I secretly, stealthily recovered But you weren't here You weren't here 

時間再按下許多次快門
Shi jian zai an xia xu duo ci kuai men
Time has clicked the shutter numerous times 
沉默裡聽見轉動的秒針
Chen mo li ting jian zhuan dong de miao zhen
In the silence, you can hear the ticking second hand
一個人吃飯這個凌晨
Yi ge ren chi fan zhe ge ling chen
I eat alone this early morning, this dawn
孤單一人份 你低聲說你有別人
Gu dan yi ren fen Ni di sheng shuo ni you bie ren
But this loneliness belongs to just one person In a low voice, you tell me that you have found someone else
我的話筒只有自己的體溫
Wo de hua tong zhi you zi ji de ti wen
Against the mouthpiece of my telephone, there is only the warmth of my own body
怎樣認真也不一定成真
Zen yang ren zhen ye bu yi ding cheng zhen
Oh, "earnestness can't guarantee that your dreams will come true"
你說得對 我不得不承認 Wo
Ni shuo de dui Wo bu de bu cheng ren Wo
You were right I can't deny it, Whoa

Chorus: 
你不在 當我最需要愛 你卻不在 Wo
Ni bu zai Dang wo zui xu yao ai Ni que bu zai Wo
You're not here Just when I need love the most You're not here, Whoa
無盡等待像獨白的難捱 Wo
Wu jin deng dai xiang du bai de nan ai Wo
This endless waiting is slow torture, like a monologue
你不在 高興還是悲哀 你都不在
Ni bu zai Gao xing hai shi bei ai Ni dou bu zai
You're not here Happiness or Sorrow, You're not here
我受了傷再偷偷好起來 但你不在 Wo
Wo shou le shang zai tou tou hao qi lai Dan ni bu zai Wo
I've been hurt, and I secretly, stealthily recovered But you weren't here You weren't here

Bridge: 
那些搖擺 我都明白 都明白
Na xie yao bai Wo dou ming bai Dou ming bai
That kind of indecision, that swaying... I understand it all Understand it all
但你不在 愛已不在 不在
Dan ni bu zai Ai yi bu zai Bu zai
But you're not here Love has already gone It's not here

你不在 當我最需要愛 你卻不在 Wo
Ni bu zai Dang wo zui xu yao ai Ni que bu zai Wo
You're not here Just when I need love the most You're not here, Whoa
一個人分飾兩角的戀愛 Wo
Yi ge ren fen shi liang jiao de lian ai Wo
One person taking on all the responsibility of a two-person relationship, Whoa
你不在 高興還是悲哀 你都不在 Wo
Ni bu zai Gao xing hai shi bei ai Ni dou bu zai Wo
You're not here Happiness or Sorrow, You're not here, Whoa

像空氣般不存在的存在
Xiang kong qi ban bu cun zai de cun zai
Like the air-- knowing it exists, but not knowing where it is
再沒有痕跡的愛
Zai mei you hen ji de ai
A love that leaves no hints or traces
你不在 當我需要你的愛 你不在
Ni bu zai Dang wo xu yao ni de ai Ni bu zai
You weren't here When I needed your love You weren't here

What is love?

Each one of us have different definitions, mentalities, ways to love another.

But are there  underlying guiding principles of love, or to love?

What does it truly mean to love completely, love wholesomely? What does it truly mean to love another?

The phone rang. 

She was sobbing badly on the other end of the line.

“I’m going over,” I told her and hung up before she could protest.

1am. It was going to be a long night ahead..

She was still crying when she opened the door. She looked so broken, so vulnerable. I didn’t have to know what was wrong, I just held her in my arms. She cried even more.

“He broke up with me,” she finally said.

I just kept quiet as she let it all out.. questions, tears, anger, hurt.

“Why does love have to hurt so much?”

“No, love.. doesn’t hurt,” I said gently.

“So says the guy who’s been single forever? What would you know about love,” she jabbed.

“So says the guy who’s been your friend though Mr now-ex-#4,” I grinned. “Love doesn’t hurt you.. it’s the person that doesn’t know how to love or appreciate love that hurts you. But love never hurts,”.

“You won’t understand, Matt,” she sighed, “you’ve never been in love…”

“That’s not entirely true, you know..”

“Wait what- so who’s this girl I’ve never heard abou-“

“What did you love about #4 anyway?” I interjected.

“I don’t know… he is just perfect. And I love him so much,”

“But you don’t know what it is that you love about him?”

“It’s just.. the feeling when I’m with him. It always felt right with him. He made me feel loved and I loved him too,”

“That’s it? Just a feeling?”

“Well.. yea. What were you expecting me to say?”

“.. something more specific, maybe? I mean, if you thought he’s so ‘perfect’, why’d he still chea- erm, why’d he leave you?”

“Because I’m just not good enough for him? I don’t know..” she paused. “What is love to you then…”

“Hmm.. to me, being together or in love with someone should be more that just a feeling.. it should also be about mutual understanding, acceptance, respect, commitment and trust.”

“That’s what all couples would hope and want their relationship to be like, Matt. But expectations and reality don’t always go together..”

“Or maybe.. someone’s just not trying?”

“Well if you think love is so simple.. why haven’t you been with anyone all these years?”

“I never said love was simple.. but I guess the reason why I’ve never been with anyone yet is because.. I already know exactly what I want,”

“You have.. a checklist?”

“Sorta. It’s not the typical kinda ‘I’d like a girl with long hair, nice smile, etc’ superficial checklist though,”

“Oh. What kind of list is it then?”

“It’s like.. a concept of love. Of what it is about a girl that will make me fall completely in love with her. A concept that has more than three specific reasons that would answer any question as to why I love her.”

“You have a concept of love?” she laughed. “Love isn’t a theory, Matt.. you can’t just classify love by a concept or definition, you simply feel it with your heart..”

“But you see.. the reason why I think there are so many broken hearts, is because people merely jump into a relationship when their heart feels a certain something towards someone. But I don’t think that’s love, that’s merely an infatuation. Personally, I believe there are more than three reasons and aspects that actually determines whether we really are truly in love beyond the superficial ‘I don’t know why I love him/her.. I just do’ reason,”

“That makes sense. So what exactly is this.. ‘concept’ of yours about?” she asked, genuine curiosity replacing her initial skepticism.

“I call it the 4+1 theory. The aspects that will determine if it’s true love or just a fickle infatuation. It’s based on this idea that whenever we like someone, if we really go deeper into what is it that draws us to him or her, we’d be able to find that one specific reason. That’s not love though. That’s merely an attraction or infatuation. But when more than three of the aspects from this theory are present, you’ll be pretty sure that it’s more than just a feeling. For me personally, this determines if I’ll ever fall in love with a girl…”

Mind. Heart. Body. Soul.

The mind aspect, to put it simply, is her intellect. But I don’t mean the academic smarts.. it’s the way she thinks, processes and analyzes things way beyond a shallow self centeredness. It’s the way she puts across her thoughts, not for winning an argument’s sake, but to really try to understand or even sensibly debate opposing views that might leave anyone reflecting on her words or challenge me to think differently. It’s the way she carries herself off with an aura of sophistication and enigmatic charm and no matter how much I might think I already know her or have her figured out, she’ll still surprise me with something unexpected. Good surprise. I like intellect. Personally, it takes a little more to intrigue me and stimulate my senses. If I can connect with someone and talk endlessly about the concept of nothing, then, only then, will we be able to talk about everything else.. and I think that’s incredibly alluring,”

“Ooh.. so my best friend’s sapiosexual too,” she teased. “But what about her likes and dislikes or like her personality.. does that go under the mind aspect too?”

“Well, that’s where the heart aspect comes in. The heart represents who she is by what she values or cares about. The things she likes, the things she dislikes. What really matters to her, as well as her insecurities and fears..”

She bit her lower lip - thinking. “But what if him knowing about my past and all my insecurities scares him or drives him away? Or what if he ever uses all of these against me if someday things go bad between us?”

“Erm.. you do realize that it doesn’t really matter now because whether or not he ever knew, he already chose to leave you right? But.. if he still or ever tries to hurt you in any way, then he is a fucking bastard and I will punch his face,”. I really meant it.

“I don’t think he even cares about me anymore,” she sighed, “maybe he never really did.. we were so.. different. I don’t know why I never actually realize it before,”

“Maybe because then, you were too ‘blinded by love’ to see, or you chose to conveniently ignore the differences. Honestly though, I think it’s critical for two people to understand each other’s heart and learn to accommodate each other’s differences rather than simply turning a blind eye or deaf ear ‘because I love him and that’s all that matters’. Because if two people are too different in the way they think, behave or live.. I reckon it will become a huge problem when the infatuation bubble bursts.”

“I don’t really understand..” she said.

“Let me just ask you this.. does he know how passionate you are towards the arts and music?"

“Well, no.. not really. He’s more the sports kind of guy and doesn’t like theatre and stuff so I didn’t want him to get bored if I talked to him about things he isn’t interested in..”

“Then i’m guessing he probably also doesn’t care or know the little things about you. Like how you’re afraid of the dark and why you’re actually scared of darkness.. how family and relationships are really important to you.. that ice cream is your happy pill. You know, I’m even going to bet that he doesn’t know you go to bed every night, clutching your phone just hoping and waiting for him to text you goodnight..”

She started to tear again, but I continued..

“You see, it’s not a matter of whether it bores him or not.. it’s a matter of whether he bothers or not. I mean, if he doesn’t even know these things about you, then he really doesn’t know you at all. How then can he say he loves you?”

“But I really loved him,” she murmured softly to herself .

“I know you did. I know you still do and it’s hurting you like shit. But you need to know that for any kind of relationship to work.. two people need to give and take. Sadly, with him, it seems like you’re the one who was always giving. If he actually really loved you back as much, he’d make a greater effort to close the gap and bridge the differences between you two. He’d want to hear what you have to say, he would actually consider your opinions, your needs and your feelings. He’ll not just tell you or text you that he loves you.. he’ll show it by the things he will do or be willing to do no matter how inconvenient or silly it might be, just because.. he knows it’ll make you happier or better. To me, when it comes to a relationship, the heart aspect isn’t just a feeling or who you/he or she is anymore. It becomes two hearts beating as one. Two people wanting to understand each other.. sharing the good, the bad and possibly a future together; actually bothering and supporting each other’s feelings, values, dreams, thoughts, emotions,”

She stayed silent for a long while before she looked up, holding my gaze.. there was this unspoken tension building before she finally spoke again.

“But.. what if something that’s important to me, is not something the guy might feel same way about?"

“Then I’ll try-” I caught myself. “I mean, if I were him. I’d try. I’d make the effort.. because it’s important to you and you’re important to me,”

She remained silent again. She wasn’t crying anymore but this time, the prolonged silence was starting to grow even more deafening.

“Matt,” she finally spoke - softly, “do you believe in love at first sight?”

“No.” I said flatly.

“Oh..” she sighed. “You know what you said about mind and heart.. it’s actually starting to sink in and I’m beginning to realize that maybe these two aspects weren’t exactly a big part of my relationship with him,”

“So what made you fall in love with him then?”

“Well.. don’t laugh, but I’ve always thought that with him, it was love at first sight. I mean, there was just this spark between us from the very first time we met,”

“Cos he was hot?” I scoffed.

“No.. don’t be an idiot,” she tried to hide her smile but failed. I rolled my eyes. “Okay fine, yea maybe that. But it wasn’t the only reason!”

I raised an eyebrow.

“He was really nice too! And he was always sweet to me,“ she began her defense case. “He always made me feel happy, secure and loved without even having to try, you know?” I just continued staring at her waiting for her to go on. “Oh never mind, you’d never understand..”

“Actually.. I do. And I think I now understand what it was that made you fall in love with him.

The body aspect.

The body aspect is about physical attraction, intimacy and presence.

I don’t believe in love at first sight. I don’t believe you can just “instantly know” you’re in love or that someone’s THE one just by “first sight”. No offense, but I think the whole love at first sight concept is bullshit that only exists in movies and fairy tales. In reality, it isn’t love. That very first attraction.. is probably lust. Lust at first sight”.

“What nonsense! It’s not like I was lusting over him from the very first time I laid eyes on him! Maybe it’s the case for guys.. I mean, sex is always on a guy’s mind whenever he meets a girl right? But it’s different for girls, Matt..” she protested.

“Okay. You know what.. since you brought up the age-old guys and sex debate, I’ll tell you this secret to clarify something about guys for the first and last time.. probably 99% of guys are naturally sexual. If you ever meet any guy who tells you he isn’t sexual at all, it’s not that he’s gay – no, gays are even more horny .. he’s likely to be a liar and you should be more wary of him. BUT! Here’s the thing.. even though guys are sexual by nature, it isn’t always the only or most important thing to a guy,”

“Really?” now she raised her eyebrow with that annoying smirk on her face.

“Oh come on, you girls know how it is, plus you aren’t exactly saint-like innocent either.. sometimes you see a hot guy and you start fantasizing or making statements like ‘omg have my babies’..”

“That…” she started blushing.

“That.. is exactly my point. It’s the same with guys. We might talk and think about sex a lot more openly than girls but it isn’t always the only thing on our mind. When I said it’s lust at first sight.. I didn’t literally mean you want the guy naked and in bed. What I meant is the momentary attraction or desire– he might be hot, he might be charming, he might have smiled at you that made you feel a certain way.. but that’s not love. That’s really just a superficial physical attraction. Saying “I’m in love” right there and then just completely takes the special meaning out of the word ‘love’. If you ask me, I personally think the process of loving or falling in love with someone involves discovering the person and then perhaps developing feelings. It could happen quickly or over a longer period of time, but not at first sight,”

“Hmm.. that does make sense,” she paused and then her lips curled up forming that annoying smirk again. “Oh wow, this is the first time you and I are talking about sex huh..”.

“You never asked..”

“Tell me then.. what is sex to you?”

“Sex.. to me, is merely a physical act. I am not part of the whole “sex is sacred/taboo” camp but then, I don’t take sides with the whole bed hopping culture either,”

“I can’t believe you just said that sex is merely a physical act..” she began in a disappointed tone.

“But sex really is just a physical act if it’s without emotions or feelings. And that is why I distinguish between sex and making love, the same way I clearly differentiate ‘loving’ and ‘being in love’ with someone,”

“Oh.” this time, she smiled. She understood.

“Don’t get me wrong.. I think physical intimacy is very important in a relationship but for me, the one physical aspect that matters the most.. is the physical presence. That, is also what I reckon made you fall in love with him.

“Okay this, I really want to know…” she said.

“The physical presence is simply being there. You want him to be with you. You want to be there for him. Because just being there with or for each other makes your day, or you as a person, a little better. You may act or behave a little different when you’re with him, but in a good way – in a way that you actually feel completely comfortable, safe and you. Perhaps even without you knowing, you smile more and laugh harder. You feel real, genuine joy. And even on days when the smile can’t happen, you know you don’t have to pretend to be okay or be self conscious in front of him; because its perfectly okay to be the way you are and feel when you’re with him. He cares about you and you feel loved when you’re with him. Sometimes, there are no need for words or explanations.. just his presence, him being there for you, holding you.. makes you feel better or believe that it’s going to be okay again. Because you’re not just holding on to someone for attention or sympathy.. you actually feel and believe that you’re holding on to a part of or the rest of your life..”

Which leads to the fourth aspect – soul.

The soul aspect to me, is the deepest form and the final affirmation that should answer any remaining doubt or questions as to whether we’ve truly fallen in love with a person.

It’s when you start noticing but still appreciate all the other little things, even the flaws - especially the flaws. It’s when you truly know a person stripped down of all their walls, exposed to their soul and yet still accept and love him or her. It’s a level of understanding and acceptance that goes beyond the “honeymoon everything is perfect” period.

It’s when you finally realize this one person is someone you can always and want to tell everything to, and you want to ask and know everything of him or her as well. It’s when you actually want to share your life and trust your secrets with this person; and you can. This someone is the first person you think of when you’re happy, sad or when something significant happens. This same person is someone you can call at 1am in the morning and they’d drop everything to make time for you, staying by you till the sun rises or you’re better again - as you would for him or her as well. This person cares and will listen. Will really listen, giving you their undivided attention and genuine love; not necessarily every time but any time you need him or her. This one person makes your problem their problem and they go through it together with you just so you don’t have to go through the pain and tears alone,”

It was at this moment, for the very first time, she looked at me in a different way but said nothing.

“You see, the soul aspect..” I continued, “is when you start to see and want to share the rest of your life with this one other. And not in a clingy “I can’t live without you” way, but in a way that I can still live my life without you as I have before I met you, but now that you’ve come to exist in my life, I see the possibility of a life with you and now I actually want to make decisions and live a life, continuing to create more moments and memories together with you”.

“Well.. so.. have you met this one person yet? I mean, I’m sure it’s almost impossible to find that ‘perfect’ girl who fulfills all of your four aspects of love right?” she mumbled. I could barely hear her. She wasn’t even looking at me anymore.

“No, it is not impossible and I don’t think its asking for too much. You see the thing about these four aspects is, we often and will find one or two aspects in many different people. And that alone may be enough to make us attracted to them or develop a crush on them. But really, that is not love at all. If we like a person because “he’s cute” or “the way she thinks”, that’s just us liking the body and/or mind aspect of a person. The reality is, we are always going to meet many people who possess these different aspects of mind, heart, body or soul. But on a rare occasion when you do meet someone who possess all these four aspects.. you’ll almost definitely know that he or she is not one of many but may just be the one. So personally, I won’t settle for anything less unless she possess more than three qualities. You know people write the symbol of love as < 3 (less than three), I actually think love should be more than three.. I define it as 4+1. “

“So what’s plus one?” she asked, still not looking at me.

“Plus one…” I trailed off – unconsciously.

“Matt?” she placed her hand on top of mine, finally looking me in eye again.

“Plus one.. is something only the one who's meant to be will ever know and hold the answer to”.



end.

-

Update on 3rd March 2013:

Hello to you who might be reading/following this.. thank you for reading and your patience as I wrote this story.

This is actually my experimentation to a different style of writing but in a way, it was also a reflection of reality and a confession of sorts.

For those of you who can relate or like this way of writing, I thank you for your time, comments, thumbs up and sharing. I do appreciate it. It actually kept me writing when I wanted to abandon the story.

So thank you, sincerely.

Perhaps I will write something of similar nature again someday; if you'd like to read my future writing, you can follow me if you want to and when I do.


Love,
Matthew Zachary Liu

Albert Einstein's Quotes.

All quotes attributed to A. Einstein. Enjoy.

Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts.

The only thing that interferes with my learning is education.

Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.

Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death.

Insanity is doing the same things again and again and expect different results.

There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is a miracle.

We cannot solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when creating them.

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.

Hi all, just wanted to share this motivational video that I really like. 

Enjoy!

"If you never failed, you've never lived."

When it happens, you won’t want to believe it. You’ll take their word for it when they say they’re busy, swamped at work, “just doing me.” You’ll make excuses for them, put your ringer on extra loud in case they call. But you’ll still feel the change, and because you can’t rationalize it, you’ll try to ignore it.

It’s a specific kind of loneliness that hits you like a wave of nausea. When the two of you are having a beer and you realize that you have both been staring out the same window for twenty minutes, nothing to say, the opposite of a comfortable silence. When they cancel plans consistently and stall when giving you reasons. When you scroll through your contacts and stop at their name and almost call but don’t, feeling suddenly, inexplicably, abandoned and confused.

Sometimes there’s no huge fight that marks the end of a friendship. No falling out, no major disagreement. Sometimes it just falls apart for no good reason. Distance. New relationships. Priorities. Somehow these things can become more important than your connection; they shouldn’t but they do. And as we get older we tend to downsize, prioritize. Trim the corners of our lives, keeping what’s important and discarding what isn’t. Sometimes we stop needing people in our lives and it isn’t even conscious. No one wakes up in the morning actively thinking “Hmm, I think I’ll stop being friends with so-and-so today.” It just goes out with an empty fizz, like a cigarette hitting the bottom of a Coke can.

In so many ways, losing a close friend is worse than losing a lover. Lovers are transient for the most part but friends are supposed to be there for you always, or so we like to believe. Friendship is a special kind of love that’s not supposed to fade. You never expect the one person you thought you could always depend on to disappear without saying goodbye. And when they do you feel sickeningly stupid and cheated, wondering what you meant to them all along, whether you were just convenient or in the right place at the right time. You never really know for sure.

You look through pictures from back when you were happy — holding each other up drunk and ecstatic, working on art projects on a rainy Sunday afternoon — and can’t understand what happened. Reach for the phone. Attach a photo to an email, start the subject line with some fusion of “Remember this?” and “I miss you…” Get suddenly overwhelmed by a horrible emptiness and discard the draft, leaving the phone untouched. History. So much history flushed down a dirty sink.

And the worst part is, you don’t even know how to explain yourself. You know if you bring this up with them they’ll give you a blank expression and a blank excuse. You don’t want to explain how you feel. You can’t. You just want them to get it, to read you like they used to be able to. You want to take them by the shoulders and shake them, screaming Where are you? What happened?! Until you’re blue in the face. But you can’t do that either, because you’re no longer on the same level and it’s going to make you feel crazy.

In life, it’s a given that you will lose people. People will flow in and out like curtains through an open window, sometimes for no reason at all. But losing someone important to you will feel like a suckerpunch every single time, and you’ll never see it coming. Which makes the friendships that dohold out, the ones that make it through countless breakdowns and breakthroughs and changes and years, so damn important.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/losing-a-best-friend/

I don't really want to stereotype, but the generic rule of girls is that

"The less time you spend with them, the more they desire your company."

Maybe it applies not only to girls.

The odds may be stacked against you, but what the odds don't know is that this isn't a math test. Passion, has a funny way of trumping logic.

It's about heart, it's about who goes out there and play the hardest, it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward.

In any fight, it's the guy who's willing to die, willing to take the hits, that is going to take the edge.

The moment we step into the court, statistics don't matter. Neither does past glories, or mistakes. It becomes an entirely new game, and it will become what you make out of it. So, work hard, so hard that even when you lose the game, you know in your heart, that you're a winner.

Remember, they can say what they want to say, but at the very end of the day, you are only answerable, to yourself.

Knowledge Preservation, Competition with Knowledge.

"Over here we’re too stuck in our selfish, fear-driven mentality that sharing your knowledge with someone can only mean your demise.

Which is stupid because if you were good, you wouldn’t even be bothered about your career being sabotaged because no matter what, as a unique talent, people would still come to you to take up their next project."

There's not a better way to say why I'm not entirely supportive of our education system; We are created to be replaced. In our quest to 'excel', we deprive another.

It seems that we are so engrossed in fighting within our small circle that we failed to see that the universe is changing.

Did you really think, even with a degree, that you are a talent irreplaceable?

http://thejellyfarm.wordpress.com/2011/05/28/120-why-singapore-tv-is-dead/

Genesis.

Read this at YOUR OWN DISCRETION.

I'm sharing this because I'm an 'alternative viewpoint' person. It's interesting to know that there are other ways of interpretation of the passage 'Genesis'.

I can foresee tonnes of flaming on my facebook post where I shared the link.

What does p-value represent?

The P is a probability that ranges from zero to one that measures the chance that the sample mean is different, given that the population have the same mean. To be more specific, the p-value can be MAINLY classified into 2 categories: 1-tail p-value and 2-tail p-value. In fact, p-values have many tails.

(Note: When you use p-value, you are assuming that the population mean is the SAME.In the A' level syllabus, we are assuming that the population mean are the same, and are calculating the probability that the the sample mean is different by chance.)

1-tail p-value is used when the difference you observed can only be in ONE direction. (This is used in our calculations, when we say that the alternative hypothesis is more/less than our null hypothesis)

2-tail p-value is used when the difference you observed can be in BOTH direction. (When we observe that the alternative hypothesis IS NOT EQUAL to our null hypothesis.)

In MOST cases, people tend to use 2-tail p-values instead of 1-tail p-value MAINLY because when the p-value is LARGE in the opposite direction, one HAVE TO conclude that the difference is due to CHANCE, and it IS NOT statistically significant. This results in a dilemma, because the LARGE difference tells you that difference is NOT due chance. Hence, to prevent such a situation, people tend to use 2-tail p-values.

In hypothesis testing, the p-value is the probability of obtaining a result as extreme as the one observed. We use the p-value as a guage to determine if our null hypothesis should be rejected or not. Your threshold p-value(or your level of significance, or confidence level) should be set to a value based on the consequence of missing a true difference, or to falsely finding a difference. However, conventionally, it is set to 0.05. After we get the p-value, we compare it to our threshold p-value, and compare the difference and conclude whether or not to reject our null hypothesis.

To conclude on your value of p-value, you can either comment that it is by coincidence(with the chance equal to your p-value) that the difference is as large as you observed even though your population mean is the same, or that your population mean is different from the start.

The p-value IS NOT the probability that the null hypothesis is true, because we are conducting the test based on the assumption that the difference is by chance ALONE.(pls notify me if there's any error here) It is also not the probability of falsely rejecting the null hypothesis. This is further explained here

A simple example of calculation of p-value can be found here

Source:

http://www.graphpad.com/articles/pvalue.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/P-value

http://www.isixsigma.com/dictionary/P-Value-301.htm

http://economics.about.com/od/termsbeginningwithp/g/pvaluedef.htm

Other source:

p-value in science

This is interesting

the arrival of the last prelim paper

tmr's physics mcq, last paper for prelims. finally, can liberate myself from studying and PLAY. hahha.

45 more days to a levels after the paper tomorrow. well, one step towards the end of the prelims brings us one step closer to A levels.

anyway, i was doing some physics paper, then wanted to clarify some concepts. so went online to check.

here they are:

Population inversion
More atoms in the higher energy level than the lower energy levels.

Rankine scale
It starts at 0R at -273°C, like the Kelvin scale. However, one unit of Rankine corresponds to that of one unit of Fahrenheit, unlike one unit on the Kelvin scale which corresponds to one unit of degree Celsius.

Laser pumping
A mean of transferring energy to a system for it to gain energy, which can help the system obtain population inversion

Optical pumping
This is a subset of laser pumping, which transfer light energy to the system.

Heisenberg uncertainty principle
In locating a unit of matter, it is uncertain to a inversely proportionate uncertainty in the momentum provided, due to inaccuracy in measurement, vice versa. This uncertainty is irregardless of experimental set-up, and the proportionality constant is /2.

Carbon dioxide laser
This is one of the first form of laser to be discovered, and is still one of the most useful due to its high power and efficiency. Basically, this is just another form of laser. (The common one we hear about is the He-Ne Laser.)

Maser
Laser is a subset of this, even though the acronym suggest that it only produce the microwave wavelength of the electromagnetic spectrum, which is not true.

click here to see a picture of a hydrogen maser *It's really cool

Hydrogen Maser
A form of MASER

Rømer scale / Réaumur scale

Just other temperature scales.

Gravitional Redshift
Basically, this means that even electromagnetic radiation, e.g. light, will gain and lose energy when they move in a gravitational field. It's like how you would expect masses to change in kinetic energy(KE) when you allow them to fall freely. Electromagnetic radiation have higher energy in a lower gravitational field compared to that in a higher gravitational field. Likewise, you would expect masses to have higher KE after they have moved from a region of higher gravitational field to smaller gravitational field. (Gravitational potential energy is converted to kinetic energy in the case of the mass.)

well, maybe if you are doubtful about whether your concepts are exactly right, go check them out. don't bother with the equations though, unless you wanna take physics to uni. guess it's not required for us to know their equations at our level of education.

Interesting reads
-LASER is the acronym of Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation.
-When hydrogen maser is used as a clock, it will have an uncertainty of 1 second every 63million years
-an atom with electrons in the same spin have more energy than one with opposite spins.

*I'm wondering what's a ruby maser though, could not gather much information about it.

temptations

today had chem paper 2 and maths paper 1. then during the break between papers, i studied quite a little bit of vectors. i guess it isnt that difficult after all. after both the papers, i took bus with aiksiang, yakai and benedict. actually want to go home one, but in the end talk with benedict under his void deck till like 610, at least 1 hr la. hahaha. then after that, i went to play basketball at the court near my house, even though there's exams tmr. but anyway, i don't see much things that i can study for, therefore i didn't mind playing.

anyway, me and benedict are playing basketball in sch tmr, at 5.00 pm ,so anyone who wanna join us, pls bring your pe attire.

anyway, i just read this article on longevity, and it's quite true.

actually, i guess all of us have heard about the factors, which leads to long life, in a way or another, but is just unwilling to incorporate them into our lives. ah, i guess i'm no exception, but my diet have changed alot for the better since the past few years. i quite sure that it's everyone's wish to stay slim and healthy, but many of them are unwilling to change their lifestyle. so here's where the quesiton comes in: Health, or pleasure(temptation, as many people would choose health but live by 'pleasure')

ah, i'm off to bathe soon, reading a bit through my notes tmr, and i guess i'll sleep early.

the article on longevity is here

and here's the quote that comes with it:

Just living is not enough. One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.

--Hans Christian Anderson

Quiz For The Week

Do Singaporeans working overseas pay income tax to the Singapore government? Likewise, do foreigners working in Singapore pay income tax to their government?

Basically, from the information i gathered, MOST countries collect taxes based on where the income is generated from, regardless of citizenship. Hence, in both cases in the question, since the income is generated in Singapore, they pay tax to the Singapore government, not their own government.

Some other interesting things i've found out:
Tax rates for foreigners are lower than that for Singaporeans.
You can apply for 'reduced tax' based on your number of days spent in Singapore, and you only get taxed on your income generated in Singapore.

source

Covalent vs Ionic Bonds, Which is Stronger?

okay, first to start out, a precise answer would be that covalent bonds is stronger. But like all knowledge aquisition, one should be looking for the most accurate answer, and not the most precise answer.

also, one must understand that in comparing items, you cannot use specific examples, simply because you're assuming that there's a trend in the subjects used, and this assumption is VERY likely to fail, especially in the atomic world. basically, this is also the reason why you dont use specific terms to determine if a sequence is an A.P or a G.P, you need to use induction methods to prove that your results is consistent with all the terms.

there's a proposal of theory that covalent bonds is stronger than ionic bonds. Why? Solely because the melting/boiling points of diamond is the highest. Does this make any sense? In my opinion(as with many other scientists), it don't, at all. Why? simply because like all proofs, how sure are you that this trend is held by all covalent and ionic substances? Hence, using diamond as the hardest/most thermally stable substance is not a valid argument in trying to show that a covalent bond is stronger than an ionic bond.

to push my argument that you cannot compare the bonds, here's a few reasons.

Firstly, the theory of a covalent of ionic compound is dependent on the difference in electronegativity between compounds. In reality, NO substance is purely covalent or purely ionic. It's a theory, just like your perfect competition is economics theory. Put simply, the covalent or ionic character of a bond is a continuum, but not discrete. Hence, when you compare a trend of strength of covalent or ionic bond, how are you, then, able to take into account the measure of ionic characteristic in a covalent bond, or the covalent characteristic in an ionic bond?

Secondly, the energy required depends on HOW you break the bond.(Common Examples are: homolytic cleavage, or heterolytic cleavage.) Basically, if you want to separate two non-polar atoms(C and H), you have to simply break the bonds in between. However, if you want to have a net transfer of electrons(heterolytic cleavage), you will need more energy to ionise the electron from one atom, and for the other atom to accept the electron. So, the energy required to break a covalent or ionic bond depends on the type of cleavage of the bonds.

Thirdly, it depends on the phase of your substance when you break the bonds. Ionic bonds tend to require a lower energy for bond-breaking in polar substances such as water, due to the formation of ion-dipole bonds between the ionic compound and water molecules, and this formation of bonds will weaken the ionic bonds between the ionic compound, hence a lower energy is required to break the bonds. Covalent compounds, even when dissolved in a solvent, wouldn't be affected any more than that of ionic compounds. Simply because their bonding is not affected to the same extent of that of ionic bonds.

Fourthly, the energy required to break either covalent or ionic bonds is also dependent on the nature of the substituents of the atoms involved. For example, electron donating substituents will strengthen the bonds in between by providing more electrons, which fundamentally forms the bond.

Fifthly, to even conclude the trend that bond strength is dependent on the difference of electronegativity between the atoms is not valid. Here's an example of anomaly in the trend.

Li-F:1017kJ/mol(Difference in Electronegativity:3.0)
Li-Cl:828kJ/mol(Difference in Electronegativity:2.8)
Li-Br:787kJ/mol(Difference in Electronegativity:1.8)
The examples seem to follow a trend where the energy required to break the bond is dependent on the difference in electronegativity. However, as this example moves on, here's an anomaly.

Mg-O:3890kJ/mol(Difference in Electronegativity:2.3)

Hence, even such a strong trend used to explain various chemistry concepts do not survive, when they are subjected to closer scrunity.

Sixthly, the comparison of melting/boiling point of a substance of compounds do not show how strong the covalent or ionic bond is. Simply because some covalent substance like N2 and O2 forms triple bonds and double bonds respectively, while F2 forms a single bond between atoms.
Which value, of covalent bonds, will you then use for comparison?

Seventhly, how do one determine whether a bond between atoms is covalent or ionic? Covalent bonds are usually defined as the bond between atoms of electronegativity difference of less than 1.5, while ionic bonds are usually defined as the bond between atoms of electronegativity difference of more than 2. But the question is, how accurate is this definition? Why, then, is the bond between Na and Br atoms considered ionic, when the electronegativity difference is only 1.9. Why, then, is the bond between H and F atoms considered covalent, when the electronegativity difference is 2.9? So, how are we able to compare two categories of items, when we cannot even distinguish the dividing line clearly?

Therefore, unless you are able to get a clear formula to determine the strength of a bond, regardless of the type of bonding, you will NOT be able to compare the strength of a covalent and an ionic bond.

Lastly, the only accurately way we are able to compare whether a covalent and ionic bond is stronger is to have a substance that can exist in both covalent and ionic states. However, unfortunately, such a substance do not exist. Hence, what grounds, then, do we have for comparison?

If you think a little deeper, there exist a fair share strong and weak covalent and ionic bonds. This means that if we are to the strength of covalent bonds with the strength of ionic bonds between various compounds, some covalent bond strength would be higher than that of ionic bond, but the reverse holds true. Therefore, this question do not really make any sense.

To digress a little, here's a bit of interesting information that i found on the web:
1:the strongest of the weak bonds(hydrogen bonding, pd-pd bonds, id-id bonds) can also be stronger than the weakest of the strong bonds(covalent or ionic bonds).

This is unlike what we learn in A levels chemistry, where we are told that if the boiling point of a molecule is low, it's held by weak forces of attraction, and vice versa. Apparently, now we know that when the boiling point is low, it can also be held by strong forces of attraction.

2:Ionic bonds are around 80 times weaker when dissolved in water.

Basically, in the A' level syllabus, we're learning that it forms ion dipole bonds with the water molecules, and breaks the ionic bond between the ions, hence energy required is not used to break the ionic bonds, but the ion dipole bonds which are about 80 times weaker.

Sources:

1. Newton source 1
2. Newton source 2
3. MadSci network
4. WikiAnswers(not very good, though)
   

Also, i got a question of whether this degree of information that I'm looking for even useful to the A' levels that I'm taking. Well, I believe that it really depends on the reason why you're acquiring knowledge. What i must say, is that if you acquiring knowledge for the sake of A' levels, you're really missing a BIG part of this hunt for knowledge.

So, maybe this is the time for you to think about the reason why you're studying. So that you can pass your major examinations to secure a well-paying job in the future? or maybe to not let the people who pinned hopes upon you down. or maybe, is it even that you yourself don't know why you are studying and acquiring knowledge.

Now, answer the question, why do you study?

Physics knowledge

when to use fleming's left hand rule, and when to use fleming's right hand rule?

simply put,

Fleming's left hand is used for a current carrying conductor.

Fleming's right hand is used for generators.

well, some people have talked about alternatives to determine when to use your right hand rule.

they say:use your right hand rule when you're trying to find an induced current. well, i dont THINK it's wrong. so, if it helps you remember, then do it that way.

like always, site reference is:
Fleming's Left Hand Rule
Fleming's Right Hand Rule

chemistry knowledge

okay. this is some basic knowledge about chemistry.

firstly, ethanamine is a gas at room temperature, and like all amines, it's alkali

this information is used to solve for compound I for question 9 from the deductive questions worksheet the teachers gave for revision.(the gas evolved is NOT ammonia, but ethanamine.)

secondly, METHANOIC ACID gives a positive test with tollen's reagent.(even though this clash with our knowledge that tollen's reagent only react with aldehydes, just note the exceptions. also, it reacts with 1-alkynes.)

this is used to solve the deductive question of the acidic product after hydrolysis of the first compound.(question 4a from the LAST chem test, i think paper 3, the one returned unmarked.)

that's about all. of course, i have my sources to cross refer to, to prove that these are reliable knowledge. here they are

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tollens%27_reagent

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amine#Physical_properties

FIREWORKS
very very nice!


okay, here's my plan. haha. i bring her to dinner at CITY HALL, at around 8pm, so that AFTER dinner we can make our way to the ESPLANADE to watch the FIREWORKS DISPLAY.hahah. in the end, she thought it's coincidental that we went there on the day of fireworks display. hahah. what an idiot =x

AND, i didn't take any photos, because i believe it's quite idiotic to take photos with phone camera of resolution of... ah, here's some photos. not taken by me, but taken from other places on the net. i believe all of them are not copyrighted, as there's no source saying so. here they are, ENJOY!(to play safe, i've posted the source of the photos.)

also, to maximize your enjoyment of viewing the photos, click on each photos(and open in a new window/tab) to scale it up so that you will not miss the smaller details.(which are also significant in the value of the picture)

to start off, here's a beautiful picture of the venue where the fireworks is held











of course, to show it's held in singapore, here's her icon











now, to the real thing. i think nice fireworks are one that is well-defined by itself, and little overlapping, unless it is done well.

here's nice photos of nicely defined fireworks,


(photo is nice not because the fireworks are beautifully done, but because the contrast is extremely evident)












(nicely done at the launching area, and wonderful colour combination at the top of the photo,but the usage of colours at the central right of the picture is a little...)











(well defined picture, with each firework a unique space to perform, but it's true beauty is masked by the thick screen of smoke)










here's some nice photos that have nice overlaps(not one that looks like rojak)

(though there's very thick smoke)











(what do you think the overlapping shape looks like?)











(even though the definition of space is quite messed up, the mixture of colours is well presented, well defined, as you are able to locate clearly an area for a certain colour)










to contrast, here's a picture of a rojak kind of fireworks

(also, note the over exposure of light, probably due to the extreme intensity of light produced by the large amount of fireworks, which is significant when your eyes feeling irritated when you look at the center of the picture)










here's the best photo i've seen, for now.

(well defined colour and space, followed with a good contrast of background, not forgetting the small smoke content)

took a long time to filter from several galleries of hundreds of photos to a final 10. also, here are the credits.

most beautiful photo was taken from Tan Wan Seng Photography, from here

some photos were taken from peiyan from here

majority of the photos are taken from peiyan, too, from here

if you wanna watch a video clip of the entire display, you can visit here