I guess, I was made to believe that when I'm down and out, nobody will be there to help and pick me up.
I guess I never really wanted to share my vulnerability with people who are not there with me when I need them. It's a chicken and egg issue, but I guess I just can't be the one to make the first move. I guess I can only let it remain as it is.
Why would we try to impress someone who is prejudiced against us? Why change yourself for someone who doesn't care enough? Why try to make someone who is emotionally immature to be less so than what you know? Pick yourself up and recite the lines.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
To a certain extent, religion is good because it guides you along when all else fails.
P.S. It's really scary to be entertaining so much suicidal thoughts in your mind. But then I ask myself, just why am I being so hard on myself for something that doesn't really matter? Maybe really really deep down inside, it matters. It matters that I find acceptance, that someone understands me. But this me that I created was made to believe that it doesn't really matter, and it's really difficult to comprehend the cognitive dissonance.
1 comment:
Please don't let suicidal thoughts linger in your mind too much that it consumes you. I was once suicidal too, telling God how painful it is to live and that I don't want to live through this pain anymore. When I lost a reason to live, a voice spoke to me and ask me will I live for Him that even though I do not know what is ahead of me, but He promise to hold my hand and walk me through.
13 Years have passed ever since. Many would have say that I am crazy, perhaps 'I saved myself' or 'thats my own voice' but through the years of praying and journey I am more and more certain I am not some schizophernic.
It is no use of me trying to tell you 'how sweet a dish is' without you tasting it. Just by praying in Jesus name, I can tell God my most honest thoughts knowing He would not judge me for what can I hide from someone who even know how much hair I have (luke 12:17). And I believe in Jesus dying for our sins, so for a God who send his one and only son to die for our sins despite knowing how imperfect we are deserves my trust n respect.
Not trying to convert you, just saying that true acceptance and love exists. Don't be too emo and commit suicide hor! Else waste my effort all these years trying to comment on your posts. Life is worth living when you find a reason to live. Hope you find your reason and will be keeping you in prayers (:
Post a Comment