It's been a week since you left. Truth be told, I have no idea what was it I did that triggered it, maybe I was negligent, but well, I guess if that's what you really want then I have to respect your decision. Moreover, I guess a part of us already knew that things were going to end one day anyway, so maybe that was just the day.
I really had lots of damn awesome time with you, and it's been awhile since I last felt such emotions - Losing my breath, racing heartbeats, petty jealousy, and such emotional dependence. I can't even remember when was the last time I felt these feelings, but I guess it's proof that my feelings are true.
There are so many things undone, I wanna listen to your piano piece since before you flew away, I wanna watch monster university with you, I wanna play with your dog with you, I wanna... I guess the list of things is pretty much inexhaustible. Truth be told, I did see a future with you, much as it was bleak, but well, I guess, as for everything, what matters more is that we have tried and gave in our best. Sometimes, things just don't work out.
Anyway, I'm sorry I couldn't always be there for you when you were in the US, but I hope I helped you 'weather' through your stay in one or another. I really hope that you enjoyed your time in the US, and that you have gained a priceless experience.
I really like you, I really miss you, but I know, somewhere at the bottom of my heart, that we have to move on.
...somewhere in the bottom of my heart, I hate you for leaving, but I cannot hate what I love dearly.
Goodbye, my dear. Ily.
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“There is so little to remember of anyone - an anecdote, a conversation at a table. But every memory is turned over and over again, every word, however chance, written in the heart in the hope that memory will fulfill itself, and become flesh, and that the wanderers will find a way home, and the perished, whose lack we always feel, will step through the door finally and stroke our hair with dreaming habitual fondness not having meant to keep us waiting long.”
That's a quite from Marilynne Robinson's Housekeeping, a book highly recommended for you. It speaks of loss and the methods that the human psyche employs to cope with the losses.
Memories are all we have, and if I may say, all we need when loss has taken over.
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