In three months, you managed to show two guys who genuinely care for you that it is not them that you truly want.

First, you made Jack Jack, then you made me Jack. Why do you have to lose something before you cherish it? I did cherish every single moment, every single second of our time together, but it is with great regret that it wasn't bilateral. It is with great regret that I am now broken with nothing left but myself, pondering who would even notice if I were to disappear from the face of the Earth.

Difference is, this time, I don't want you to care for me in the way you did. But somehow, if I disappear from the face of the Earth, just leave it at that - I would have tried my best, but failed; The pain would have been too much for a weakling like me. Just take it that it was unfortunate that you knew me, that things have developed the way it did.

Whatever you are doing now reminds me of who I was years ago. But you were right, no amount of me saying these will make you comprehend that. We all have to go out and try things ourselves, work things out ourselves, and that's where we learn. It's just too bad I won't be able to help you learn anything else in life, because I really wanted us to go a long way and better each other through the fragments of time.

Parting thoughts - I really loved you, more than I loved myself, that I am certain, without a hint of doubt - Things I would do for you, I wouldn't even do it for myself. There were so many things I hated about you, but me loving you unconditionally allowed me to look beyond all those flaws, that made me recognize that it is not a perfect you that I love; It made me realize how much I loved you. And maybe that's why it hurts so pretty damn much right now, so much that I cannot find the strength to live any part of my life.

I sincerely apologize for all the time I angered you, disappointed you, and even made you cry. Those were never my intentions, it was just an imperfect me handling the situation imperfectly. I loved you, I really did. Seeing you first thing when I woke up was the best thing you ever gave to me, even though I did not portray it to your expectations. Thank you for everything, all the effort, all the trying. We may have failed, but we tried hard nonetheless, and I thank you for that. Thank you for all the concern even as a friend - That call, thank you. I'm sorry I hung up on you, but it was really irritating that you kept saying that you were exceeding your talk time, what else was I to do?

I realized that all these quarrels recently only boiled down to one thing - Me assuming that I mattered to you more than I really did; Me assuming that it was I whom you truly wanted, that you saw a future with. And I'm sorry for making the very first mistake that I made in our relationship again - Expectations, that even in the parting moments, I had to let you down.

It was a nice feeling to feel needed, to feel like you mattered to someone. Thank you for allowing me to experience that. For allowing me to feel what it is like to love again, even though I would probably end up distancing myself from love. Thank you for allowing me to love you in the many ways possible, thank you for allowing me to love you so easily.

I wish that those tears will stop streaming down my eyes as I type this, that I will stop crying night after night after night or whenever I think of you, that I will stop hoping that there is some little fragment of hope that you'll somehow end up in my arms, that I will stop wishing that somehow you'd be right in front of me when I open my eyes. I wish that I would stop hoping that I'd wake up to find the second part all to be a dream.

But this is as far as my wishful thinking will bring me. This is me, utterly shattered from the inside. This is me, the weakest me you'd ever find.

They say time heals all wounds. I really hope it will, cause I'd be damned if it doesn't. Just when I thought I'd found true love, it had to slip out of my hands, out of reach indefinitely.

Anyway, I think you make a really good friend, but I guess it's just too bad that things developed the way it did. Talk to me, I still want to hear from you, as a friend. If you're willing to try, we might be able to rebuild the trust, let time tell us the future. But as always, this is my side of the offer, the rest is up to you.